A few of my favorite things.

I despise holiday music. I loved it as a child, because it meant Christmas was coming, and because I’ve always been a singer and adore performing carols. these days, though, the incessant caroling, especially the pop-ified sort that is force-fed to us over commercial radio and in supermarkets and the like, just grates on my nerves. There are some gems to be found among the riffraff, though, and, to aid in my somewhat reluctant enjoyment of the holiday season, I’ve compiled a playlist of them, which I will share with you here.

Ella Fitzgerald, “Christmas Island,” Traditional Jazz– A really fun (and rare) track, this song is the best on an excellent holiday album (Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas). It’s a refreshing change from the more common classics.

Lou Rawls, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” Big Band Jazz– The best rendition of this classic I’ve yet heard, delivered by the late Mr. Rawls in his smooth and soothing way, backed by an impressive band that swings this song just enough to make it enjoyable.

Canadian Brass, “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen,” Classical (Brass Ensemble)- An unassuming but stunning rendition of one of my favorite carols (I do like the minor-tonality carols best- how did you know?!), performed by one of my favorite “mainstream” classical ensembles.

Duke Ellington, “Sugar Rum Cherry (Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy),” Big Band Jazz- Not strictly Christmas, this track is one of several “swung” versions of movements from the Nutcracker. I think I remember reading that Ellington asked Tchaikovsky personally if he could rework the composer’s pieces, and got hearty approval.) The entire album, Three Suites, is worth checking out.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra, “Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24),” New Age- A childhood favorite of mine, and this list would not be complete without it. I seldom say this, but it’s the guitar that holds this track together. But you know this, because eeeeveryone who has spent a Christmas in the West has heard this song somewhere.

Louis Armstrong & The Commanders- “‘Zat You, Santa Claus?,” Big Band Jazz- A clever and hilarious tune that I first heard on House (the same might be true of “Christmas Island”; and when you hear it, I assure you, you will see why it was on House.). This one is quite obviously Christmassy, but it’s one of the very few holiday tracks that can be found on my iPod all year round.

Buselli-Wallarab Jazz Orchestra, “Carol of the Bells,” Big Band Jazz- This song is the granddaddy of all Christmas tunes. I adore it; it is my favorite Christmas song ever. One of my favorite carols, this arrangement swings hard, with a dark harmonic structure that is daring in comparison to most Christmas carols.

Frank Sinatra, “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day,” Traditional Jazz- I’ve read that Sinatra did not feel as comfortable singing Christmas carols as he did with other material, and, noting the relative lack of emotional involvement in comparison to most of his other recordings, I’m inclined to think that is true. But this selection is beautiful, and appears to be quite rare. I tend to like rarer works.

Angèle Dubeau & La Pietà, “La vierge à la crèche,” Classical (String Ensemble)- Presented by one of my favorite ensembles, the album that includes this beautiful piece composed by Albert Périlhou is- in my opinion- easily the best holiday album of 2010, across all genres. The album includes various works from rare pieces such as this one to a berceuse composed by Dave Brubeck. This particular piece is my favorite from the album, but really represents the entire collection, which has something for anyone to like.

Sarah McLachlan, “The First Noel/Mary Mary,” Pop- “The First Noel” is another of my favorite carols, but it is difficult to find it done in a manner that is both beautiful and not cheesy, and the pronunciation of “Israel” tends to get to me. Sarah McLachlan’s interpolation of the carol with “Mary Mary” is just about the best version I’ve heard (after my own, I will very humbly add). This arrangement is blessedly less “poppy” than most.

Mannheim Steamroller, “It Came Upon the Midnight Clear,” New Age- This one is on here for its soothing qualities. One of its other merits is how different it sounds from most other versions of this carol, and how it explores various textures, despite being under three minutes.

University of British Columbia Singers & soloists, “Lullay My Liking,” Classical (Choral)- This was my favorite Christmas track to play on my Classical show last year. Composed by Stephen Chatman, it is quite far from being the typical carol, and might not even be recognized as one upon a casual listen. Its arrangement is dark and haunting, yet beautiful- just as, if you haven’t guessed, I like my Christmases to be.

John Coltrane, “My Favorite Things,” Jazz- Definitely not a Christmas track, but since many other versions of this Sound of Music tune are played during the holidays, and since this is so easily the best of all those versions, I took the liberty of including it here. Coltrane’s knack for reinterpreting standards is exemplified here, and he and his ensemble (McCoy Tyner at the piano, Steve Davis on bass, and Elvin Jones on the drums) explore this very basic song across some thirteen minutes (on this version from the EP My Favorite Things). Not only does Coltrane play one of my least favorite instruments (the soprano saxophone) brilliantly, but McCoy Tyner also provides a brilliant solo, and the entire group is solid. If that isn’t worthy of play on a holiday like Christmas is supposed to be, then what is?

Vanessa Williams, “What Child Is This?,” R&B/Soul- This is possibly the only R&B remake of a Christmas carol that I’ve heard that I find worthy of bothering with. Most of them (Mariah, Destiny’s Child, Ciara, I’m looking at you) involve too much whining and attempted virtuosity for my liking. Vanessa Williams throws in some stray notes here and there, but stays true to the classic, giving the carol an easy swing and twining a little “Carol of the Bells” into it too. Plus, the video is kinda nice.

Gabriela Montero, “Pachelbel:Canon,” Classical (Solo Piano)- Another not-quite-Christmas selection, but it’s one I’ve loved since I heard it the second time (lol). Gabriela Montero improvises over, as the title suggests, Pachelbel’s famous Canon in D, and gives it a soft, introspective feel. For me, the piece illustrates a novel way of approaching the holiday- with joy and some reverence- and also brings to mind another, not dissimilar, occasion: weddings, at which the Canon is often played. Most importantly, it is expressive and triumphant, two elements that seem to be missing from the holiday season for a good many people- your humble blogger included- in these past, difficult years.

Honorable mentions:

Mariah Carey, “O Holy Night,” Pop- I adore young!Mariah. She was so amazing in the 90s. Then pop died, and she had to find something else to do. At any rate, this rendition is beautiful, and is 90s-Mariah at her finest. Also, “O Holy Night” is one of my favorite carols, and I must mention it somewhere in this post.

Destiny’s Child, “Opera of the Bells,” R&B/Soul- A beautiful, slowed-down rendition, this song is the main reason that I know the actual words to “Carol of the Bells.” If DC3 had made the rest of their album with this much beauty and consideration, the album would have been epic. Instead, it makes me want to eat holly berries and bang my head against a wall.

John Lennon & Yoko Ono “Happy Xmas (War Is Over),” Pop- I really like this tune, and it would definitely be on the list if it weren’t so overplayed during the holidays. But, unlike “Christmas Eve” and Williams’ “What Child Is This,” the song is not quite awesome enough to make up for its celebrity.

The 12 Yats of Christmas– the entire CD is good fun. I didn’t include any tracks on the list because they’re hard to find, and because you have to be a New Orleanian, have a good sense of humor, or most likely both in order to enjoy them. But my best friend (from St. Bernard Parish) and I have had some great times listening to the album and singing its songs, often very loudly, often in public.

Those are just my favorites, and aren’t even all-inclusive. But I’ll be listening to this list for the rest of the day and the rest of the season, and in many cases, for the rest of the year.

Here’s wishing you a merry Christmas, and a happy holiday season at large, whether you celebrate any of them or only find yourself washed along the tide of holiday commercialism; and a happy new year, with all the best for 2011.

And for reading this far down: Bonus winter awesomeness- Dean Martin & Frank Sinatra performing “Marshmallow World.” Enjoy.

No boys allowed.

Keri Hilson’s second album is something serious.

Just thought I’d mention it.

Oh, a review? Based on the tracks I heard on her MySpace page, which I believe are the same ones to be released on Tuesday, I’d easily say that No Boys Allowed is worth every penny you’ll spend on it. The Deluxe version, especially.

I’m a huge Keri fan, and I’ve been waiting on this album for a good while. After hearing the lead singles, “Breaking Point” and “Pretty Girl Rock,” I was definitely afraid that the album wouldn’t be any good. I’m really sorry about the inevitable comparison to Ciara, but she had the same problem- she released incredibly weak singles, and her album, which came out earlier this month, was just as weak. Basic Instinct was disappointing, even more so than Fantasy Ride was.

So, when I heard “Breaking Point,” I was justifiably dismayed. (For the record, I don’t think Keri’s singles sound anything like Ciara’s. I just felt that they were all very bad indicators of their larger works.) “Breaking Point” would be a very good song if it didn’t rely on a very basic chord structure and if it didn’t include one of the songwriting gimmicks I hate the most: a talk verse. (Never, ever stop the flow of a song to talk, even if there’s some higher moral point you’re trying to get across. It is irritating.) Otherwise, the song is tolerable, but not worth buying separately.

“Pretty Girl Rock” was worse. The song’s message is a noble one, but its style is a complete gimmick. There are much less campy ways to say the same thing (see “Independent Women Parts I & II,” “Unpretty,” “It’s Only Love That Gets You Through,” “I Am Not My Hair,” and just about anything by Nicki Minaj). I didn’t buy “Breaking Point”; the only reason I have “Pretty Girl Rock” is because I got it for free on iTunes. I was very afraid of how No Boys Allowed would sound.

The album is gorgeous. Every last track except “Pretty Girl Rock” and its remix is worthy. I will probably never know why those two singles were chosen to promote the album; they do not represent the album at all. No Boys Allowed is a mature, thoughtful effort, and, in true Keri fashion, it deviates greatly from the industry’s current norms (Mariah, Ciara, Shontelle) to deliver a completely unique sound.

Most of the tracks are pretty dark, which I naturally love. “Buyou” initially looked like yet another gimmick to me, but it’s one of my favorites- a club track that you can’t resist dancing to, that also emphasizes one of Keri’s main points a la “Get Your Money Up.” (J. Cole finally gives a verse I actually like, and just in time.) The next tracks follow a trend that In A Perfect World… only hinted at- sensuality that is smooth and subtle at times and in-your-face-I-am-woman at others. Of these, “The Way You Love Me” is currently my favorite, though it took me a while to get used to her yelling the hook.

The album then smoothly transitions to a more heartbreak-central theme, drawing out illustrations of the title’s true meaning: No Boys Allowed– I deserve a man, a male that is intelligent enough to know the right choices and strong enough to make them. This is my favorite part of the album for personal reasons; you may like the first half better. “Hustler” was an early favorite; it isn’t what its title suggests- it’s actually a “slow jam” (for lack of a better term) about wanting to be able to toss problems aside like they’re nothing. “Lie To Me” follows it brilliantly, and features an incredible beat that I could not stop listening to. (There’s also a great Atlantic Starr quote in there; quotes always make me smile.) Unless I’m mistaken, the deluxe version ends with “Won’t Be Long” (excluding bonus tracks), which is a great sort of motivational dance track and a solid conclusion to the album.

My favorite track, both due to sheer brilliance and because I connect with it personally, is “Toy Soldiers.” It is beautiful, and- like the rest of the album- Keri sings it with so much sincerity that I feel as if she’s singing it on my behalf. Plus, I’m a band geek, so I love the marching/military/soldier motif that is laced throughout the song.

So, overall: No Boys Allowed is awesome, and any true R&B lover will be deprived without it. Only thing I hate about the album? I wish I could buy it today. But I will definitely get it on Tuesday, finances willing. I hope everyone does. And to Ms. Keri: Thank you, thank you, thank you for daring to be different, for opening your heart to us, and for bringing us and the industry a work of value when we need it most.

This is Rayne’s “The Walking Dead” rant.

I’m semi-back after a brief hiatus. Smack in the middle of finals, so probably won’t be making regular posts for a while still. At any rate, this blog has proven to be a great place for me to vent my frustration with the entertainment industry, so I proudly present my random review of the season finale of AMC’s “The Walking Dead.” Now, this is all just my opinion, so keep that in mind.

This post contains spoilers.

This post contains spoilers.

This post contains spoilers.

All right, then.

Let’s go in somewhat-chronological order. The group finally reaches the CDC, where they partake of a considerable feast and drink copious amounts of wine. This culminates in a scene between Lori and Shane that truly made me wince. Their ex-relationship feels like a plot line gone awry; in my opinion, you don’t bring in assault and attempted rape unless you’re clearly going somewhere with it, and I don’t get that feeling yet.

We still haven’t heard anything more about Merle Dixon (who I care about solely for plot-continuity reasons) or the father and son that Rick left behind in the first episode. Let’s hope the writers don’t pull a “Heroes” and accidentally drop / neglect those characters.

As observant as I usually am, even regarding TV shows, I totally missed noticing the countdown clock. (However, did anyone else notice that Jenner shot “TS-19” in the head in an MRI?!) Which then leads to a “decontamination” trope that brings out the stupid in everyone. And so I segue into a discussion of my favorite character on the show so far: Dr. Jenner.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Noah Emmerich in anything before, but now I am definitely a fan. He gives an incredible performance as Jenner, and gives us the best line I’ve heard this television season outside of The Mentalist: “You know what this place is?! We protected the public from very nasty stuff!!!” Now, Jenner isn’t exactly a likable guy, especially if you’re a fan of the other characters (I’m not), but he foils brilliantly for Rick, Shane, and the others, who throw axes and shoot at the military-grade metal door instead of trying to talk Jenner down.

But crowning the Imbecile List is one of my least favorite characters in a cast that I already dislike. Carol’s hero moment, possibly meant by the writers to define the group’s opinion of being “decontaminated,” made me cringe almost as much as Lori and Shane had earlier. “My daughter doesn’t deserve to die like this!” Oh, so your daughter deserves to suffer a painful, drawn-out death just before being reanimated as a glorified corpse? Great logic there, guy.

She does sort of redeem herself by producing a Chekhov’s Grenade with only minutes to spare, allowing most of the group to escape the locked-down CDC, kick some quick zombie ass on the way back to their cars, and get the hell out of town before the place explodes. I originally forgave the horrible CGI, thinking there was no way they’d get to blow up the real CDC anyway,  until I realized that the building that gets asploded is not even a faithful replica of the actual place. Anyway, that’s small stuff compared to the one question that’s going to bug me until the show comes back in October 2011 or whenever (much too far away, in my opinion; they’re only going to alienate viewers and lose the momentum the show has gained), the one real question that will make me tune in to the show if I’m still around at that time:

What the hell did Jenner whisper to Rick just as everyone was leaving? Does Rick now know some vital medical detail that the writers will once again Chekhov into the plot long after it has lost its relevance? (I almost want to read the graphic novels to find out, except I suspect the show has long since derailed from the novels’ established plot.) We’ll see, I guess. I’ve grown attached to the show and don’t want it to turn into just another hour that I tune in to only for the pretties (see Hugh Laurie and Jesse Spencer, and possibly Simon Baker). Besides, the premise- Atlanta (and the world) being overrun by zombies- is far too lulzy for me to give up on. Or maybe it’s not lulzy, just true to real life. Hmm.

I can be wrong sometimes.

So if you’ve seen some of my earlier posts, you probably noticed a trend of dissing Kanye West. Honestly, why shouldn’t I have? “Power” was a huge disappointment, at least to me. “Monster” was all right, but not up to his old standards. And that apology track for Taylor Swift at the VMAs was touching but definitely not ‘Ye-worthy.

Last night, I got caught up with the G.O.O.D. Friday releases, actually inadvertently.I still haven’t really been able to figure out the reasoning behind this plan- and I’m a marketing student- but hey, I am not complaining.

Some of the other tracks are almost as bad as “Power,” but they have progressively gotten better. (I refused to download “Runaway Love” in accordance with my anti-Bieber policy.) The only two things that rescue “Power (Remix)” from being even more of a wreck than the original are Jay-Z’s verse and the last minute and a half where the beat is changed completely. “Lord Lord Lord” is an interesting change. The other two are fairly regrettable.

And then there is “So Appalled.” The track itself is both reminiscent of Kanye’s “Graduation” days and clearly a foray into a new, experimental style. The arrangement is dark and brooding, and makes excellent use of strings and panning. And, at last, Kanye gives us a real, thought-provoking verse, with lines like “N***as are going through real shit, man, they outta work/ That’s why another goddamn dance track gotta hurt.” (Neither the beat nor the verse are new; they’ve bounced around for the past several months, but this seems to be their permanent incarnation.)

Jay-Z follows with another outstanding verse; at this point, in my eyes, Hov can do no wrong. His verse is album-quality, which might be because the track is slated to be included on his and Ye’s upcoming short album, Watch the Throne. Being the highest-paid and highest-charting rapper has got to indicate some industry sense, and so I was not surprised to learn that Jay was upset about Kanye releasing “So Appalled.” I agree, but damn it, I love this song, and a track of this caliber was exactly what was needed to get me back on the Kanye bandwagon. I’m sure I’m not the only listener who feels this way. So it isn’t an entirely lost cause.

Pusha T and Cyhi da Prynce follow with equally impressive verses. As we learned from the travesty of “Forever,” even the best-loved rappers can falter on high-profile collaborations. Fortunately, this is not the case here; everyone involved rises to the bar and complements the others. It comes together like a symphony.

All that remains to be seen is whether the rest of the G.O.O.D. Friday releases live up to this standard. I don’t expect them to, but I also hope they don’t drop back down to the pit that “Power” was. I want to see ‘Ye and Hov top the charts this November. But I won’t spend my money on an album full of overproduction and unmerited hype.

Now, an album full of “So Appalled,” I’ll buy five of.

They don’t make music like they used to.

So, recently, I found a couple of new tracks, both of which are interesting, for different reasons. You’ve probably heard of the first- “Whip My Hair” by Willow Smith. If you’re a pop or hip-hop fan and you haven’t heard it yet, you may want to come out from beneath that rock.

Yes, that is Will and Jada’s daughter. Yes, she is only nine years old. Yes, that is (mostly) her voice. It’s a nice standard pop tune- admittedly, it probably would not stand out as much if it had been recorded by an older girl with no industry connections. The song’s only faults are the annoying pitch of its repetitive chorus and the lyrical content- sorry, but I was nine once; I don’t believe her when she talks about haters. That’s more of a personal preference though; Shirley it would be wrong of me to hinder your enjoyment of the song for that reason alone.

I came across the next one a couple of weeks ago but paid it little mind. The beat is nothing special, and, at first listen, I found the majority of the lyrics lackluster. Yes, I am referring to Kanye West’s recently leaked/released single, “Monster.” (I’ve linked it rather than including the video itself, as the video will probably have been blocked by the time you read this). The track includes verses from Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, and an unimpressive Rick Ross.

West’s trademark these days seems to be overly long, drawn-out, overly sexual verses. The only thing that kept me listening through his spiel was the knowledge that Jay-Z was up next. Hov does not disappoint. His verse is more thought-out and better delivered, and includes what I consider to be the best lines of the song: “Everybody wanna know what my Achilles’ heel is/ Love/ I don’t get enough of it.” Nicki follows with a strong verse of her own, adding her color/insanity to the mix.

Essentially, while Kanye’s name may be on the track, Jay and Nicki own it. That makes me wonder exactly who is riding whose coattails here.

Why I love Alphacat.

Bad news comes in threes.

Again, it’s been a while since I last posted, and I’m actually not sure how much time has passed. I’m still working quite a bit, partly because I’m not allowed sick days. Hypoglycemia is an illness, thank you very much, as are hypersomnia and my various mental issues. My bosses don’t officially know about that last set, but I have the right not to mention it to them.

In addition to all of that, my wisdom teeth (yes, plural) have been giving me trouble. I’m not really superstitious or anything, but there is a strange correlation between my bottom left wisdom tooth hurting and “bad things” happening. (And yes, I know, “correlation ≠ causation.”) How I came to this conclusion is a story for another time. At present, there are a plethora of potentially harmful situations around the corner.

I was unaware until this morning that there was a tropical storm headed directly toward me. If she follows her current trajectory, Bonnie will basically be the test storm we’ve been waiting for, although some scientists have already predicted what will happen. Note the statement in bold: “a storm absolutely will move the oil.” That was a cheery outcome to read about, though I suppose where the oil goes will determine whether that’s really a bad thing.

Speaking of the oil spill, there are some pretty disturbing revelations being made at the hearing on the original Deepwater Horizon explosion. I don’t even want to summarize it here… reading about all the negligence put me in a serious depression that I’m still sort of wallowing. Just read the nola.com article on the proceedings so far, if you dare.

On the good-news side of things, India has shunned MIT’s $100 computer and produced a model that costs all of $35 (USD). Now they’re working on finding a company to mass-produce them, and on designing another model that will cost only $10. I don’t know much about India, but that really impressed me. I really wish Jamaica was on that sort of track. Granted, we’re comparing apples and watermelons here, but our government could at least start to focus on technological advancement. Too bad they’re focused on a crime problem that their own predecessors had a considerable part in starting.

Still, kudos to India for managing that. In a morning of bad tidings, that one story did help me remember that there is real progress being made somewhere.

21st century borderline.

I’ve been away for a while again, mostly because nothing interesting has happened in a while. Just work, work, and occasional sleep.

There is something I’d like to discuss in general- the popular misconceptions regarding mental illnesses. Of all the people I’ve seen write or RP mentally-ill characters, I think I’ve seen one that did not piss me off. It’s so easy to simply fall into the stereotypes and generalities of each condition that no one really bothers to actually research what they’re writing about. And I find it difficult to respect people who don’t research their topics beforehand.

First thing: Schizophrenia is not the condition in which sufferers have multiple personalities. That’s dissociative identity disorder. Schizophrenia itself is divided into several different subcategories, some of which are also confused with bipolar disorder. Really, all it takes is a quick Google search to discover this; you owe that much to your character, your readers, and the people who actually have those conditions.

Second thing: ADD and ADHD are essentially the same thing (at least, in America). The term “ADD” specifically refers to the predominantly inattentive form of ADHD (which, by the way, stands for “attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder). As its name suggests, sufferers of this variation are less hyperactive and more unable to focus. Again, the specifics of each can be found quite easily; it doesn’t take a psychologist to learn this sort of stuff.

Third thing: Not everyone in mental health hospitals has gone batshit insane. There are plenty of problems for which people enroll or are committed there- grief, attempted suicide, anxiety, generally anything out of the norm that is adversely affecting someone’s life. Also, not every institution puts its patients in tiny white cells. Another thing that people don’t think about is that contact in the outside world can be pretty limited. Every facility is different, but in some cases, the patients aren’t allowed Internet access, and have to turn over their cell phones and cameras (and shoelaces, pants strings, nail clips, and other potentially harmful items). This is sometimes for the patients’ welfare, but also for the facility’s privacy.

That’s just a very, very general outline of the mental health stigmas and generalizations that I find annoying. The point of this post is to stress the importance of 1) not making assumptions about mental health issues and 2) researching things you don’t know about (paging Stephanie Meyer). Your readers will thank you.

Just as an aside, I thought I would mention my thoughts on Kanye West’s new single, “Power,” which doesn’t really deserve its own post. To me, an amateur producer, the track sounds ridiculously messy- the entrances of many of the effects are too harsh, and the backing vocals muddle the lead vocals. The lyrics are lackluster as well. In this case, ‘Ye, I think “schizo” is the appropriate term.

Who’s to blame?

Finding the latest music out of Jamaica is difficult up here in the States. I’ve tried YouTube, iTunes, Amazon, and other blogs and forums, and some internet radio sites out of Jamaica and the UK. So I thought I’d add a little post here, since I just stumbled upon two songs I heard recently by two of my favorite artists, Mavado and Busy Signal, which both deal with the political climate and recent events back home.

If you know of any more current (and dependable) sites, please, please share them. Especially if the site has (legal!) downloads.

Mavado, “Change Right Now”

Busy Signal, “Who’s To Blame”

If you only knew how tired I am!

It’s been a while since I posted last. I’m not even sure how much time has passed. The days all seem the same to me.

There has been some good news. I made a 158 on the LSAT, despite all the drama surrounding it (see “Return to Tigerland”). I’m now registered for the fall semester, and a large chunk of my debt has been paid off. I’m still working often, though, because I will eventually be charged housing expenses.

Also, in Jamaica, Coke was finally found and extradited. He’s in New York now, where he is kept in isolation for 23 hours of the day. Bahahaha.

So that’s over, though we still have a ways to go in dealing with the rest of our crime problems. Apparently, Golding wants some help with that.

I just finished 1984, and I’ve been reading Love, Anger, Madness by Marie Vieux-Chauvet. As the title of this blog suggests, I just finished “Love.” It made me feel sort of bleh about myself. I can just imagine myself as a Claire in eighteen years.

Lately, I’ve been quite exhausted, and haven’t had the motivation to do much (hence the lack of blog). I’m too tired to even get food. I’m also kind of concerned about the future. My only ambition is to graduate college this year. After that, I have no clue what I’ll do with myself.